Does Baltimore City Still Roar? Part 2

The lights go down and Less Than Jake comes out. The crowd roars. They open with a new song “Does The Lion City Still Roar?” followed by a mix of older and newer material. They play the staples: “Look What Happened”, “The Science of Selling Yourself Short”, and surprisingly their most requested song online and off, “The Rest of My Life.”

Somewhere in the middle of the set I’m jumping with the rest of the crowd, singing the lyrics and holding my pants up at the same time. My left elbow was sticking out as I jumped and I bumped the girl next to me a few times. Not on purpose, it’s a concert. Things happen. After the song her boyfriend starts glaring at me like I did something wrong. He goes “You wanna fucking go? I’ll kick the shit out of you, smash your face in.” The girl then chimes in with a very Tourette’s Guy-like “I’ll rip your balls off. I’ll rip them off through your dick!” At this point I have no idea what I did wrong.

Very calmly, as their empty threats continue, I ask them what I did wrong. At that point, they’re still threatening, not trying to remedy the situation at all. My friend Pete steps in and tries to settle them down. The boyfriend asks if he wants to fight to. Pete declines. More empty threats come before they tell me that I elbowed the girl in my jumping. Sorry for enjoying the show, I guess. The security guy at the front then tells them to calm down and they shut up for the rest of the concert.

But back up a second. I know this girl. This has happened once before. Earlier this year my girlfriend and I went to a show at another local club. The bitch that we now call “Elbow Girl” was there with her mom (Elbow Girl is 19/20 years old). Her mom was some grey-haired, red lipstick weirdo who knew the words to Reel Big Fish songs. I was weirded out before we “officially” met them. The old lady had her arm up, grasping the railing in the front for dear life, also for no apparent reason. Devon, my girlfriend, kindly asks the old lady to move her arm because she’s hurting her ribs. Elbow Girl flips out and thinks that Devon called her mom a bitch. She grabs Devon’s shirt, I grab Elbow Girl’s wrist. I calm them both down and the bouncer gives them a warning. Minutes later, Elbow Girl gets right behind me and jams her nails into my ribs. I tell the bouncer. They’re out of there.

Fast forward to last night and I’m somehow standing next to her again. I know her but she doesn’t know me. She apparently goes to shows looking to make empty threats and flex her invisible concert muscles. Real scary, Elbow Girl.

Less Than Jake plays two more new songs, “Summon Monsters” and “Conviction Notice” before a few oldies and then their last two: “Gainesville Rock City” and “Plastic Cup Politics.” The lights dim and we leave.

Hands down it was the best concert I’ve been two. Except for Elbow Girl, from the interview with Vinnie to Goldfinger and Less Than Jake, I’ve never seen a more exciting night of music.